Excerpts

#3: Level of Commitment

Love and commitment can mean many different things to many people. Do these words imply the same thing to you and your partner? Be clear about what you are looking for. Are you expecting that both of you are willing to give your full attention to the on-going relationship with the commitment of fidelity, protection, and support? Does he agree? Does love mean commitment to him or does he have more of a “good-time” outlook on the relationship? When you are both on the same page regarding such important issues, it reduces the chance of misunderstanding and pain down the road.

The greater the similarity there is in both of your perceptions about the relationship, the greater the chance for success. Has he been married before? How many times? And how long has he been single? It’s nice to know that other people found your partner desirable, but are you one of his many conquests? And, if so, is he on the rebound or ready to become involved again? Be sure there is a mutual understanding when it comes to what you expect of the relationship. Is it marriage or just companionship?

#24: Practice Conversing on Several Key Topics

Not everyone is a natural conversationalist. But everyone can improve their skills in this area. Practice conversing with your friends and co-workers on a broad range of topics that would be appropriate for first and second dates. Practice handling sensitive issues that might come up, such as a tough medical history, difficult divorce, or death of a child. Get comfortable asking questions that are open-ended so you can avoid yes/no responses. Have some personal anecdotes you can share that provide information about who you are without being too revealing.

By all means, hone your sense of humor. You don’t need to tell jokes. However, if you can lighten up on a date you’ll both enjoy the time with each other more. Be willing to laugh at yourself regarding some personality quirks and not take yourself too seriously when discussing facets of your life. Most importantly, don’t whine, complain, criticize and share all your regrets on those getting-to-know-you dates. This guy is not your therapist or your savior—and I’m pretty sure doesn’t want to be either.

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