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#3: The Ten Dates Rule

Sex? Nope. I repeat, no sex. Not before you have completed the ten dates. Let’s get this out of the way right up front. In today’s fast-paced world of instant everything, we are just beginning to wake up to the joys of slow and organic because it’s better for us. This is also true in the area of love. Take your time, let it grow organically. Another reason to wait is that when women have sex, we secret oxcytocin, a hormone that makes you feel good but also causes you to bond. But, do you really know who you’re bonding with? A man who was a major womanizer actually told me once that he tried to get women to sleep with him as quickly as possible so that he could gain emotional control over them. Now that you have this information about your body, you can watch for such traps.

Be just as careful with trying to use abstinence as a hard and fast rule. I’ve worked with plenty of couples who were sexually abstinent before marriage, but hadn’t done the work to actually grow and cultivate their relationship. That’s why the divorce rate for young people in the Bible Belt has been astronomical. The focus was on not having sex instead of creating healthy love.

#33 Visualize the Love You Want

If you believe it, you can do it. Yes, we did just cover this concept, but how do you put it into practice? The truth is, your brain doesn’t differentiate between visualization and actuality. In other words, you can “trick” your brain into a new belief by spending time forming a clear image of what you want. Many Olympic teams practice this sort of visualization with proven results, but you don’t have to be an athlete to make it work for you.

Where do you want to be? In the arms of Mr. or Ms. Right and madly in love? Reconnecting with your partner after many years of emotional distance? Imagine your chosen mate’s hand in your own. Is it large or small? Smooth or rough? Will you talk about your children, last night’s dinner, or The Meaning of Life? Don’t just paint the broad strokes; fill in all the tiny details. They can be as realistic or fantastical as you like, the point is that you can feel yourself in the relationship you want. Now spend time with that image each day; put it into writing or say it out loud if it helps. With the power of your intention, you’ll actually be reshaping your love life.

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